the things ‘ never said……..

another year. . .

Louise 4th birthday today and n0w on his 4th year of learning living life as the way it should be. He starts to ask questions and starts to find answers on his own. He talk too much that makes him wise and a smart kid. but the craziest things are:

• he loves to lie down on the floor even seats and matress are available
• now he can sing, Somewhere out there by James Ingram and Come What May by Air Supply in Karaoke with his mic on…
• his new hairstyle, Kung Fu like,  at first he was having a long hair but he cut it short by his own with a pair of scissor.
• he still loves to eat french fries all day long…
• and now on his 4th bday, his only wish: to gather all his toys in the garage, invite all his playmates to play, and have balloons,cakes, spaghetti and all the foods he loves to…
  
• this day is a double celebration since Tita bting is now a certified Engineer….Tita batingis always been the host and party organizer of bab0o…ever since..

And mama geling always away these days.. happy birthday b0o..

love mama…

With you I’m born again…

  It’s been 3 years since I breathed life to him, it was s0mething I’m not so sure of if can forget the things that lies behind his presence…..

But n0w, I’m keeping a smile in my mind knowing all was already kept in the past… 

I have made a life of my own, and have crossed a thousand bridges far from where I’m used to, now I can love and be happy of the things around since I was blessed with a very learning experience and out of that I felt, the feeling of how to love, fall out of love, left out of love and back again to be loved.

When days are putting you down, don’t worry, it’ll pass, and fades away in time. It may n0t be that s0on… but it’s s0methng sure  to happen.  Don’t just wait for the day to heal you, instead w0rk for it. When you cry , wipe it off  stand and say, "this day shall pass…"

Don’t let the rain just rain on y0u…

every morning I see some friends rushing to different places, some are so busy and have kept their mind so closed and focus and some are so subtle that they still get to me and smile and losen up… it’s I guess  important to keep your life on track.. One question came to me…. what do i have for today? and what will I have for tomorrow? I don’t know… there so many plans I have keep working on, so many concerns I need to attend to and I thank God,I’m still able to do what i’ve got to do….. but somewhere along me…. a part of me is I know empty. no matter somthing is missing… but they say it’s just me who’s thinking that there really is missing…. true!
the heart maybe the strongest and I can never convinced this heart… what’s inside is a question…. i’m happy but i’m not sure…. i’m smiling but i’m sad.. im laughing but only after i cry…..

æ…

" Even if I do, I don’t want to need you ’cause I can’t have you…"
for the longest time, I’m into this feeling of uncertainty, I’m wrapped around with emotions I need to let go but I love to keep..no matter how the winds swept the feelings away still i have it on insde me, in my memories of keeping, i always stay this way because i love the feeling of loving you inspite of not having you..eve. Not because I’m a fool out of love but only because I loved and I will always will…

today I took a walk after my class, my head seemed to give up bcoz’ of so many little concerns i need to face…
i took a deep breath while walking my way home, i see a lot of people passing by, laughing,, eating some goodies and having fun…
i stop and smile…. it’s been a while since i haven’t do that …i miss what it is to be free, free from anxiety and worries..
i moved on my way, lights are across my face, seems so strange for me
but i felt so blue…… incomplete and lonely..

i woke up one morning and found out it’s another day…
another day for a struggle and another day for surviving.
i sat by and looked around, only one  face i see, so innocent and oh so lovely.
such face i always stared thru, full of love and full of hopes, waiting to live his own life
and make waves of his own….

no one has ever conquer what’s deep inside of me,
now, i live a life where i’m only crossing one road and hope not to look back.
i’ve so much of those pains that ’til now rings through.
and i have so much of my broken dreams, i can never let go…
and you were the only one that pushes me towards…

someday i let you understand that things are better of unsaid and undone..
i’m hoping when that day comes you’ll be smiling because you’ve understood.
together with my hopes and prayer’ i’m always working out for the best of you.
i may not be that perfect but i’ll be there every step of your way…
to love you, take care of you and hold you when you’r afraid and when you’re down..

if you looked inside my heart there is that empty space…
a space that will forever be empty, not because i’m not happy.
but because it is a memory of a broken past, vow and even love.
somehow there are things in this life that you can never deny nor forget.
i’m shattered by my weakness yet im praying for my healing…

geling

Waking up with my head in a cloud
Watching the morning come
Another day of the week in a month in a year
In a life that’s come undone

I might as well quit trying
To get you off my mind
I might as well quit hoping
That this heart will heal in time

’cause i can’t brun a bridge that i’m still crossing
And i can’t lose a past that i’m still lost in
I can tell myself it’s over
And make a brand new start
But there’s no such thing as
Mind over matters of the heart

Everyday there’s another attempt
To convince myself you’re gone
Every night there’s a promise i make

That tomorrow i’ll move on
But there’s a voice inside me
That calls your name out loud
A part of my still hopes
To see your face in every crowd

’cause i can’t brun a bridge that i’m still crossing
And i can’t lose a past that i’m still lost in
I can tell myself it’s over
And make a brand new start
But there’s no such thing as
Mind over matters of the heart

I can tell myself it’s over
And make a brand new start
But there’s no such thing as
Mind over matters of the heart…